Dear Landon

Dear Landon,

One year ago today, my entire world changed. It's only been a year, but it's so hard for me to imagine what my life was like before you were in it.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I loved you. The first time I saw you- a tiny little speck on an ultrasound monitor- I loved you even more. The first time I felt you move in my belly, that love multiplied. But that love couldn't compare to what I felt when I finally met you. It was amazing to me how much I could love someone I'd just met.

And, to quote Brad Paisley, I thought I loved you then. After all we've been through this past year, I just can't even put into words how much love I feel for you, and I know there's so much more to come.

I love watching you discover new things. I love when you put your head on my shoulder for "hugs and love." I love how you come and sit in my lap while you play. I love our story time before bed. I love how your face lights up when you first see me in the morning. I love seeing all the different sides of your personality- from silly to inquisitive to stubborn to confident. I love every second that I get to spend with you. You make me so happy, so proud, and so fulfilled.

I thank God every day for giving me such an amazing little boy. You have already given me so much, just by being you. I hope that I'm able to give you half as much in return. I promise that I will do everything in my power to try to. I promise to try my best to always guide you in the right direction, but at the same time to let you be yourself and to find your own way. I will always try to have patience with you and to understand and empathize, even if we don't always agree on everything. I promise to always have time for you and to have fun with you. I can't wait to help you with your homework, drive you to soccer practice, and do arts and crafts with you. I know that there will be bad times, but I also know that the good times will far outweigh them. Above all else, I will always love you, I will always be here for you, and I will always do what is best for you. I will always be your one and only Mommy. You are my Landon Bear, my Monkey, my Angel.  You are my whole world. I love you, baby boy.

What a difference a year makes.

 

I can't wait to see what's in store for us in years to come.

Love,

Mommy

One year ago...

One year ago tonight, I went to the hospital not knowing that I'd be meeting my son just hours later. I can't believe it's already been a whole year...

My Birth Story

On Feb. 24, I went to my 37 week appointment and found out that the baby was measuring in the 91st percentile and that they recommended I have a planned c-section at 39 weeks, or at the very least an induction. The doctor told me about all of the risks to very big babies in a vaginal birth, so I was about 90% sure I was going with the c-section, though I wasn’t completely decided. I would have to tell her for sure by my appointment the next week.




Except I never ended up making it that far. I was nesting big time all weekend, and went to work on Monday March 1st just like normal, came home and nested some more. Eventually it was 9:30 and I realized I hadn’t even sat down all night when I got this terrible pain in the left side of my back. It was excruciating and not letting up at all. I immediately thought I had kidney stones. I had had an episode a couple months prior that the doctor thought was kidney stones and this pain was similar, only worse. I tried to breathe and move around to lessen the pain for about a half hour, but it was not getting any better at all and I started vomiting, so I told Justin we needed to go to the hospital. I got there around 10:30 and was admitted to Labor&Delivery. There, the nurse checked my cervix and took a urine sample. My cervix was soft but pretty much closed tight. She told me she was sure I wasn’t in labor and once they got the results back, they could call my doctor and get an order for pain meds (which I was begging for at this point).



Finally at 1:30am, she called my doctor. I had still been vomiting from the pain and even though the contraction monitor showed I was having contractions every few minutes, they were still pretty convinced this was kidney stones and not labor. My doctor ordered me Nubain and ordered an ultrasound of my kidneys and uterus. It took them 3 tries to get the stupid IV in, but finally they gave me the pain meds. The Nubain made me feel drunk and eased the pain enough so that I could talk, but it was still really bad. They wheeled me to do the ultrasounds, and just moving hurt so much worse. When I got back, I told the nurse the meds weren’t working, so they gave me more plus some phenergan, which managed to knock me out, at least for a little while. When I woke up, the pain actually seemed to be subsiding at times and then starting back up. It was still bad, but it was so nice to have a break in between. I watched the contraction monitor and realized that the pain was coming with each contraction, which were about 2 minutes apart now.



Around 7am, the new nurse came in and told me that the ultrasound showed no kidney stones, and though it still showed my cervix was completely closed, I was definitely in labor, and I had developed pre-eclampsia. My BP was very high and we needed to get the baby out now. Everything after that was a blur. The doctor came in and explained what was going on and that they would be doing a c-section in an hour. Then the anesthesiologist came in and explained the spinal to me. Justin and I scrambled to call our families to tell them that Landon was coming within the hour.



Then they wheeled me into the operating room. The anesthesiologist was great. I was so nervous about the spinal but he completely calmed me down. The spinal itself was nothing. So, so easy. A tiny burning shot, and then my legs felt warm and the pain was finally gone. It was amazing. Then they put the catheter in and Justin and the doctor came in. She said hi to me and then went to work. I had no idea they had even started. I was feeling some tugging and pulling, but the doctor was talking to the nurse about their route to work, so I didn’t think anything was really going on. Next thing I knew, the anesthesiologist told me I’d feel some pressure, and I heard them say “baby out!” and then I heard him cry. I couldn’t believe how quick it was. Landon Stephen Ramirez was born at 8:26am March 2nd, weighing 7lbs, 5oz, and 19.5 inches long—far from the “huge” baby that all of my ultrasounds predicted him to be. They brought him over and I got to give him a kiss and then off he went to the nursery. They sewed and stapled me up and I think that part seemed to take way longer than any other part of the day so far.



Recovery was a bit rough for me. They were a little worried about Landon’s breathing, so I didn’t get to hold him until 5 hours after he was born. My BP also wasn’t going down, so they had to put me on magnesium so that I wouldn’t have a seizure. The side effects were awful, but it did its job, though I did have to go home on BP meds because the pre-e apparently didn’t leave my body with the birth like it normally does. All in all, it was about as far from what I was expecting as I could have imagined, but I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy to show for it, so that made every second worth it.

The best part of the day

One day, right after Landon had started daycare, I pulled up to pick him up just as another parent was pulling up to pick up his daughter. I smiled and said "hi," and he replied with a smile, "This is the best part of your day, isn't it?"

He couldn't have been more right. I have about a 30 minute drive from work to daycare, and all I can think about during that drive is how much I can't wait to get there. To see who or what he's playing with, to read his little sheet telling me what he did that day, and most of all, to see the look on his face when he sees me.

No matter how awful my day has been, no matter how terrible of a mood I'm in, seeing this face just makes everything better.

That dad hit the nail on the head. It is absolutely the best part of my day. I'm sure every working parent feels the exact same way.

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11 months

Landon is 11 months old today. I'm still a little bit in denial about the fact that I will have a 1-year-old in a month. But I'm still enjoying him more and more every day. He's getting such a personality. I love that he had more distinctive moods now. He is so funny when he's being silly/goofy, which is most of the time. Then there is his tired/pissed off mood, his sick/mommy-only mood, his sweet/cuddly mood, and his defiant/ rebellious mood (we won't mention who he gets this one from).

Some of the other things he's up to this month:

- Talking! He says ball, uh-oh, book, mama, dada, and NOM NOM while he's eating. Uh-oh also usually comes during meal times. He holds his food out over the side of his high chair and says, "uh-oh" and then drops it. It kind of drives me batty, but it's cute at the same time.

- As he says "bah" he throws his ball. Really well, actually. Softball playing mama is proud! And he also kicks his soccer ball, which makes Daddy proud. This kid's gonna be an athlete!

- He's finally actually interested in books for more than two seconds and actually looks at them instead of using them as teething toys. We have read a book before bed every night since he was a couple of months old. Now when he knows it's bed time, he says "buh?". Then he actually sits on my lap and cuddles and points at the pictures while we read. It's one of my favorite times of the day.

- Clapping. He'll be in the middle of playing, look down at his hand, and then all of the sudden I can see the lightbulb come on. He looks at his hand, looks up, smiles, and claps. It's like he's thinking, "oh yeah! I remember what these things are for!"

- Giving his stuffed animals and loveys snuggles. We tell him to give them "hugs and love" and he'll pick them up and put them up by his neck, lean his head down, and snuggle them. It makes my heart melt.
-Sleeping! We have finally cut out the overnight feeding. He's still up over night a couple of times a week, but for the most part he will sleep until 5 or 6. And it is glorious!

-Standing on his own. He tends to stand for much longer when he doesn't realize he's doing it. Otherwise, he'll stand for a couple of seconds and then plop down on his knees or butt and crawl to his destination. BUT, yesterday, on my birthday, he decided to give me an awesome present and take two steps to me. Walking is going to be just around the corner!

Here is my handsome little 11 month old boy:

10 months

Landon is now 10 months old. He's starting to look more and more like a little boy and less and less like a baby. I still can't figure out how this happens so fast. Here are some things that he's up to lately:

- Dancing. Whenever he hears music, he shakes his little booty up and down. It's so darn cute!

- Giving kisses. The open-mouthed, sloppy baby kind. The best kind ever, if you ask me. He will usually give them on demand, and occasionally, he'll give some unsolicited. He knows when he hears the kiss sound or the word kiss, to give one. It melts my heart every single time. Ironically, he learned this the same week that he had hand, foot, and mouth disease. How can you say no to baby kisses? Especially the first ones?! So of course, I graciously accepted my kisses and risked the virus.

- Playing peek-a-boo. He'll pull a blanket (or a diaper, or whatever else is around) up over his head, and when we say "Where's Landon?", he pulls it down himself, with a huge grin. He will play this game for quite a while, especially in the car.

- Rearranging the furniture. Despite having 23954874 toys, several of which are walking toys, he insists on pushing around the dining room chairs, bar stools, and his high chair. Justin says he's going to be a mover when he grows up. ;)

- Waving bye-bye. He does it every time you ask him if he wants to go bye bye, but he won't do it if you actually ask him to wave bye bye. Silly boy.

-Eating more and more big people foods. We're still on some purees, but he's getting very good at actually getting the peas and other foods into his mouth. Daisy and Tebow still eat very well when he's in his high chair, but now I can see that he's getting at least half of his food into his mouth. His current favorite (besides yogurt-his favorite food of all time) is grilled cheese. He's also saying "nom nom" while he eats. Apparently, he wants to make sure that he knows he's enjoying his food.

I say this every month, but I love this age more than any age we've experienced so far. I love that he can really interact with us and play games, and test us. I also see that he's going to be walking and talking very soon, which makes me feel excited and a little bit sad all at the same time. I love watching him grow, but I also want him to stay my baby forever. I guess that's a feeling that every parent experiences. I just love him more and more every day.

Me and my little angel:

1st haircut

We'd been putting off cutting Landon's hair for weeks. Months, really. It had gotten so long that his bangs were in his eyes, the sides hung down well past his ears, and it was starting to look, well, ratty at times. So after much convincing, Justin finally gave in and agreed to get it cut. We took him to Snip Its at the Avenues Viera, where they specialize in children's cuts (and it shows in the price, but it's worth it). Here he is before the big cut:



As soon as the lady sprayed water on his head, the fussing began. It was cold and it startled him, so the whole thing started off on the wrong foot.



They put on a video for him to watch on a little TV right in front of the cutting station, but Landon was not amused. Justin ended up having to hold his arms down, and I had to hold his head when she got to the front. The stylist(? barber?) still managed to cut her finger. We felt bad, but she said it happens at  least weekly. At least it wasn't his ear!



The whole thing only lasted about 5 minutes, and when he was done, he got an animal cracker for being such a good boy. And we got a certificate and a lock of his beautiful red hair. We weren't terribly happy with the cut, but it will grow back. I just can't get over what a big boy he looks like! Here he is enjoying his animal cracker.

9 months

Landon is 9 months old today. Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday I was sitting here, feeling baby kicks. And now 3/4 of his first year has already come and gone. It happens way too fast. That's one of those things "they" tell you, but you can't really understand until you actually experience it.

So here are some things my big boy is up to:

• "ET" pointing. He just sticks his little pointer finger out every time he sees something that interests him. Sometimes there's an "eh DEH?" that follows, other times, just the point. It's too cute.
• Crawling like a pro. He's into everything. Dog food, dog toys, remote controls, phones. He even found Daddy's wallet a couple of weeks ago.

• Pulling up and standing, and cruising. He pulls up on anything that's taller than his waist. Which often means falling head-first into things. I'm still learning to deal with all the head bumps without being a neurotic, overprotective mommy.

• Still saying "mama" and "dada." Nothing else so far.
• He *was* signing "more". I'm pretty sure he thought that it meant "puffs" and not "more," but I'll take what I can get. Well, a couple of weeks ago, the sign turned into a quick arm pump and grunt. Now, it's just the grunt, and then yelling and banging when he doesn't get what he wants. We have a lazy signer with an anger management problem, it appears.
• He waved "bye-bye" once, at Thanksgiving, to his Grandpa and Uncle Joey. But I'm thinking that may have been a fluke because it has yet to happen again.
• And my favorite: the furrowed-brow "you're a moron" scowl. This occurs if he's told "no," if he doesn't understand what you're saying to him, or if he sees a stranger who he's unsure about. It is the funniest look I've ever seen. I've been known to make some pretty weird faces, so I believe this lovely trait was picked up from his mama.
• Oh, and how could I forget his favorite game? He LOVES to chase the dogs around in his walker, and then laugh like a maniac. Those poor dogs don't know what they're in store for once he can walk on his own.

Here's my handsome little man playing with Christmas ornaments. I can't wait for his first Christmas!